It must be really tiring to deal with an indecisive person.
I too, am tired of myself.
List of stuff to look forward to:
- Monsters University (because why not right?)
- Desolation of Smaug, Battle of the Five Armies. See Bilbo in action with Sting vs Mirkwood’s spiders. See the dwarves get stuffed into barrels (cruel yet smart). See Beorn in action. See Smaug in action. Witness the 1 hit KO by
the spoonyBard. (Still a long wait before any of this happens. ARGH.) - End of exams. I really dislike biochem. Too much stuff to memorize. I’m no encyclopedia…
- Internship! (End of June - End of August)
- Enter final year. It’s really happening!
- Spend more quality time with loved ones.
- Losing weight. Slow progress but its still progress. Ha.
Dear papa,
Thank you for always giving me a chance to prove myself. By giving me this opportunity, you have also given me the chance to work on my self-confidence and become a more self-sufficient person. Through my teen years up to this very moment, I have been through many kinds of situations which has forced me to get out of my comfort zone, carry out my responsibilities and deal with whatever consequences that may arise.
You didn’t just provide me with food, shelter and money; you shared a lot of your wisdom and advice. You spent a lot of time to teach me and mold me into the person that I am today. I may not always enjoy it when you point out my mistakes and my weaknesses, but hey, I guess its all part of learning and growing up. It sure takes a lot of trial-and-error.
There were times when I dislike your opinions; mostly because I know they are right and I am wrong, and also because I don’t want to admit that I am about to or have made a wrong/bad choice. I used to feel like I need more freedom; more chances to voice out; more chances to do whatever I like. But when I look back at it now, I am very grateful that you did intervene in some of my not-so-good choices.
Thank you for letting me make my own choices. Thank you for trusting in me. Thank you for your wisdom and guidance. Thank you for teaching me to accept mom for who she is. I promise to take care of her. I promise to take care of Henry too. I will keep this family together if anything should happen to you in the near future.
I know that tomorrow is uncertain and anything may happen at any given moment. All of that is part of God’s greater plan and only He would know what’s best for each of us. I know I can’t have you around forever. When that day comes, I will be strong, I promise. I’ll keep my shit together, I promise.
Happy Father’s Day papa. Thank you for EVERYTHING; from the bedtime stories and songs to the long drives from home to college. Imma get that Shar Pei someday. Or the superbike. Or both. ahah.
Sincerely,
Jessie.
Dia seseorang yang cenderung mendiamkan diri dan memendam perasaan didalam hatinya pabila dirinya dilanda masalah dan persoalan. Jarang sekali akan dia memberitahu sesiapapun apa yang sedang bermain di dalam fikirannya dan adalah sukar untuk menjangka kemahuannya. Apabila berhadapan dengan rintangan, dia akan mencuba sedaya upaya untuk menghadapinya sendiri; dia percaya bahawa dirinya kuat dan dia mampu mengatasi apapun cabaran yang perlu dihadapi.
Dia tidak wujud.
Oddity.
Not sure if its just me being silly or there is a small part of me missing some of the really interesting people I have interacted with during my 2+ years here (oh wow has it really been that long?). I still remember their names/urls. There’s Manuel, Davi, merelyaspectator, treboraromaj (Robert), Moses and his oh so many urls; I lost count, Faris, patiencepending, anotherdayinpeace, utterly-meaningless, and how can I ever forget, rokesjalanan.
Most of them have deactivated their blogs and whatnot. Eitherway, meaningful and thoughtful conversations have been had. Thank you for making my tumblr experience fun and enjoyable.
/awkwardness
less than an hour before I sit for the 1st paper of this end of semester exam. AGH. Can’t brain anymore risk assessment notes. Or pollution control. Halp.
“If you screwed up, you gotta bear the consequences.”
Harsh statement. It’s how things in life works though. At the end of the day, nobody else will bear the consequences for you.
Learning all of it the hard way. Oh when will I grow up and start being more responsible for my actions? When will I make my dad worry less about me?
Process engineering, here I come. (Soon).
Optional.
Pandangan subjektifmu tidak bermakna bagiku.
On a completely different note (and language), hello there. If digital cobwebs do exist, my tumblr would be a cocoon. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.
Here comes the moment I type out a list of updates (I think…) because I’m too lazy, I mean busy to author never-ending paragraphs of thoughts and worries.
- ChEME dinner 2013 was a rip-off. I want my money back.
- Double tests this morning. Not expecting much as I hardly revised when I was supposed to.
- Watching a live basketball match is quite a stress relief. All that screaming, shouting and cheering sure is fun. Go KL Dragons!
- I want that internship position at Top Glove. Say yes already!
- Note to self: No matter what happens, DO NOT take biochem eng as your major. Enzymes and bio stuff are not for you.
- I can’t believe my 3rd year of studying is coming to an end. Entering my final
countdownyear later this September. - Karaoke is fun.
- Stroopwafels are too darn sweet.
- “Colour Blocking” is a bad theme for an annual dinner. So many clowns with mismatched-coloured clothes.
- Convince the Biochem lecturer to allow an A4-sized cheat during the final exam…
- Plant designing is a pain in the asshole.
- I ran out of things to list down.
Boo.
One of these days I’m going to disappear from civilization, and nobody will question about where I went or even remember who I was.
I am okay with that.
I am trying so hard to be an individual.
Trying so hard to stand out.
It’s quite tiring, I kid you not.
The Book of Lies.
I just finished a book. No wait, three books. The Notebook, The Proof, The Third Lie. My head and my heart hurts :( I know it’s fiction but man those were some dark and tragic fiction.
No regrets though. As odd as this may sound, I really enjoyed reading them. I enjoyed it as in I couldn’t stop reading it till I got to the very end. I was tired and sleepy, but I had to keep going. I needed to know. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the twins. I was quite upset when I found out I was being lied to. I was manipulated and tricked to believe so many things that were not true, only to find out the painful truth in the end.
As I got closer to the truth, I felt betrayed. The truth was pretty much in contrast to what was portrayed beforehand. I empathized on Lucas’ story and his pain after his separation with Claus. God dammit, I believed in it wholeheartedly.
Towards the end, I got really confused as to what was real and what wasn’t. Perhaps that was how Lucas felt. Or maybe, he was actually very sane and he’s just doing all of this in order to get by with his loneliness and emotional torture. He did mention somewhere that imagined he went through a huge portion of his childhood with his twin Claus just so he wouldn’t feel so alone in his life full of despair post WWII.
Mixing up between reality and fiction results to bad things. But perhaps it may seem to be the most appropriate defense mechanism that we humans have against pain, hurts and despair. (Unhealthy too! Talk about being delusional!!) I hope that I don’t end up like that. Hmm.
Anyway, it was a great read overall. Thank you Agota Kristof. Thank you for this wonderful piece of literature.
P/S: Thank you for indirectly inspiring Shigesato Itoi too. I thoroughly enjoyed Mother 3. Such a great rpg.
